


[fic] These Inconvenient Fireworks

by silly_cleo



Category: Steerswoman Series - Rosemary Kirstein
Genre: F/F, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Female Friendship, Female Protagonist, Female-Centric, Femslash, Hurt/Comfort, Minor Injuries
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-18
Updated: 2016-12-18
Packaged: 2018-09-09 09:08:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,705
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8885095
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/silly_cleo/pseuds/silly_cleo
Summary: Circumstances force Rowan to confront her feelings for Bel.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [lorata](https://archiveofourown.org/users/lorata/gifts).



Rowan reached reflexively for the ring on her finger, then jerked her hand back partway as she yet again remembered she wouldn’t find it there. With a sigh that managed to mix fondness and impatience in equal parts, Bel reached over and took Rowan’s hand.

“Stop that. I know you don’t like doing this again, but we agreed it’s for the best.” Bel kept hold of Rowan’s hand, casually lacing their fingers together. Rowan tried to relax into the gesture. _Bel is just getting into character early. It’s a good idea. You certainly need all the practice you can get._

Annoyingly, Rowan seemed to have forgotten how a hand behaved when being held. She settled for giving Bel’s a squeeze, which earned her a look she didn’t quite know how to interpret.

They were on their way to Unthank, following another lead on Slado’s whereabouts. After their reception in Croft, Rowan had reluctantly agreed that temporarily not travelling as a Steerswoman again, particularly the Steerswoman who had all but declared war on the wizards, might be prudent for the time being, at least until they could gauge the feelings of each new town they encountered regarding what they now knew about the wizards.

They had also agreed that merely abandoning their most obvious markers, as Steerswoman and Outskirter, was not enough. It had been suggested Bel and Rowan pose as a couple; another suggestion Rowan hadn’t been keen to go along with. In the end, she had reasoned with herself, the increasingly confused nature of her feelings towards Bel was nowhere near a strong enough argument against the idea, even in the privacy of her own thoughts, never mind anywhere else.

So here they were, pretending at the exact scenario Rowan was starting to realise she would very much like to become a reality.

*

Rowan looked around the perfectly nice, very clean, bright, and airy room, her eyes straying inexorably to its one double bed. She gave herself a little mental shake. This was ridiculous. It wasn’t like they hadn’t shared close quarters before. The Outskirter tents had had small notion of privacy. They’d definitely shared rooms, and even beds before. So what was the problem? Rowan felt obliged to note to herself that in point of fact this was one of the larger spaces she’d shared with Bel. Was it that they’d taken the room in their disguise as a couple? (Rowan hadn’t missed Bel’s amused look at her discomfort when they were talking to the innkeeper. What was more, she had the uncomfortable feeling Bel had chalked it up to more than her usual dislike of lying.) Did she care what strangers she would never see again thought she was doing behind closed doors? (An old expression darted across her brain, ‘let’s not do it, but tell everyone we did.’ She couldn’t remember where she’d come across it.)

“This’ll do,” Bel’s voice cut across her thoughts, as the Outskirter followed her into the room and stowed her pack neatly by the side of the bed nearest the door.

Resolutely, she put all thoughts of the bed and Bel out of her mind. They had more important things to deal with first, and she would have time enough to sort out her confused feelings later. Suiting action to thought, she put her own pack down by the other side of the bed and pulled out her logbook and map case, methodically scanning the latter until she found what she was looking for.

“We need to look for the ruins of the wizard’s house that used to be somewhere around this area,” she started, spreading the map out across the bed and gesturing vaguely to the base of the nearest mountain range. They had found the reference completely by accident, on their return to the Archives, looking for answers to wizard Kieran’s incomprehensible images of the night sky, a passing mention to a wizard’s house, destroyed in a rock slide. It was beyond hope that it might be anything like Jannik’s house, or that any of the spells she had seen Willam manipulate would still be working, but the chance to uncover more of the wizards’ secrets was too great to pass up.

“I’m still not familiar with judging distances based on your maps. Do you think we can get out there and have time to look around if we leave now?” Bel sat down on the bed beside her, gaze intent on the map, even though she, like Rowan,surely had it memorised by this stage. Rowan was instantly, intensely aware of the distance between their bodies. Mentally rolling her eyes at herself, she focused her attention on the map, eyeing first the distances on it, then the wintry daylight filtering in through the window. Reluctantly, she shook her head.

“I don’t think so. We might be better off seeing if anyone in town knows something more about it, and set off early tomorrow morning regardless.” 

Bel pursed her lips, then nodded agreement. “Yes, I think you’re right. We don’t know what we might find, and the more daylight we have available to explore, the better.” She bounced nimbly off the bed. “Well, Lady, shall we?”

Rowan laughed at the epithet, hoping it didn’t sound as forced to Bel’s ears as it did to hers, and followed Bel back out the door.

*

Unfortunately, they had no luck prying any further information out of the locals that afternoon. Barely anyone would talk to them. Rowan found herself missing her Steerswoman’s ring and rank acutely, and reflected slightly bitterly that they needn’t have bothered with their deception at all for all the interest people took in them and their affairs either way. Rowan was definitely not in the best frame of mind by the time Bel suggested they head back to the inn for dinner, and her mood was not improved by the knowledge the suggestion partly stemmed from her temper to begin with.

The inn’s dining room was small, cozy and nearly deserted. The fire crackling in the hearth made a pleasant contract with the chill they had just walked in from. They settled down at a table near it, and looked around for the innkeeper or a server. When a server did appear, they were as taciturn and unfriendly as everyone they had spoken to so far. The sight of the girl’s sullen face somehow popped Rowan’s bad mood, like a soap bubble bursting, and she almost laughed. You couldn’t be a Steerswoman for as long as she had and not visit your just share of uncooperative places.

Once the server had (sulkily) taken herself off with their meal orders, she turned to Bel and offered an apologetic smile. “Sorry.” 

Bel’s answering grin lifted her mood still further, as did the affectionate punch to her shoulder. “It happens to all of us sometimes.” 

Her friend paused for a moment, as if she were about to continue, then let her hand drop awkwardly to the table. Rowan waited to see if anything else was forthcoming, then wondered if she had imagined it. Slightly, unaccountably flustered, she reached for a safe topic.

“So tomorrow, we’ll set off at first light, yes?”

“That seems wise. Do you have a guess on how far out of town the ruins on the map are?”

Rowan shrugged. “Maybe a couple of hours’ walk. In fairness, we probably could have made it there and back this afternoon, we just wouldn’t have had much time to explore anything we found.”

“We weren’t to know the townsfolk wouldn’t have any further information for us. And we don’t know what we’ll be dealing with when we get there. Better to have as much information beforehand - and I’m surprised I have to tell a St-you that!” Rowan laughed outright at the chagrined look on Bel’s face at her almost slip-up.

She darted a quick look round the room before leaning in to whisper, “good catch.”

*

There wasn’t much point lingering after dinner, and both women were conscious of the need to get an early night. Rowan ruefully realised that under normal circumstances, she would be looking forward to a night’s sleep in an actual bed after several nights on the road. As it was, her thoughts had wandered back to their charade. As she climbed into the bed, she told herself sternly once again that the room was, if anything, more spacious than their tent the night before had been. For all the good the admonishment did her. Well, at least the size of the bed should minimize her awkwardness, and years of sleeping in bedrolls had made both her and Bel tidy sleepers.

Bel flopped onto the bed beside her, on top of the covers, and stretched out her fingers and toes gleefully. “No wonder you Inner Lands folk are so soft! There are times when I think getting into a bed like this every night might almost be worth giving up the Outskirts for.” One of her toes brushed against Rowan’s calf as she spoke, and before she could stop herself, Rowan flinched, then promptly cursed herself for it. Yes, this was definitely the way to minimise awkwardness. Rowan almost thought Bel hadn’t noticed her reaction, except for the would-be casual way she apologised for kicking her.

Bel got under the covers and pulled herself into a foetal position with her back to Rowan, mirroring Rowan’s own pose. Rowan let out a tiny sigh, and composed herself for sleep. She was almost certain she heard an answering sigh from Bel, but resolved not to pursue the matter.

She must have fallen asleep fairly quickly, because she woke with a start to a light brush against her spine. It took her a moment before she realised it was Bel’s back. She stiffened, and inched herself nearer to the edge of the bed, holding herself there while she tried to decide if the contact had woken Bel too. She couldn’t hear any change in the other woman’s breathing, so she relaxed.

She started awake again, unsure of whether minutes or hours had passed, with no clear idea of what had woken her. After a moment, she realised it was an absence, the feeling just after someone had removed a hand from your shoulder. She felt a pang at the loss, even if she hadn’t been awake to appreciate what she’d had. She sighed to herself, and really, what did it matter anyway? And settled herself back down to sleep.

*

They made it out of the village and into the foothills the next morning without incident. Rowan had no intention of mentioning her somewhat interrupted night, particularly as she wasn’t even sure Bel had woken up at any point. She was quite grateful for the fact her wanderings had never taken her to this part of the world before, so most of her attention was occupied by frequent comparisons between their location and the map in her hands.

Around mid-afternoon, Rowan looked around critically, and nodded firmly to herself. “Yes, it should be around here somewhere. The log didn’t specify what sort of structure it used to be, but it wasn’t that long ago, whatever’s left shouldn’t be hard to find.”

Bel nodded, and by unspoken consensus, they set off in opposite directions.

*

Rowan picked her way through the loose scree. Any kind of structure should be easy to spot, but she hadn’t found anything promising since she and Bel parted ways. She had just decided to double back on herself further up or down the hillside, and see if Bel had fared any better, when she heard an excited yell, immediately identifiable as Bel’s. She set off back the way she had come at a brisk pace, and it wasn’t long before she caught sight of Bel, who started waving vigorously as soon as she spotted the Steerswoman.

“Rowan! I think I’ve found something!” Bel grinned at Rowan, looking extremely pleased with herself. Rowan’s heart seemed to skip a beat, which she knew perfectly well healthy hearts didn’t do, and which she knew full well had nothing to do with her health, or running pace, and everything to do with the expression on Bel’s face.

She jogged up to the Outskirter, trying to spot what Bel was so excited about. She couldn’t see any ruins about. “Show me?”

Bel proudly directed her attention to a small opening in the hillside. At first, it looked like nothing more than a shallow cave, but then Rowan noticed what Bel must have been so excited about: to one side, roughly at chest height, was the remains of what could’ve been another of the wizards’ ceramic and copper pass key panels, just like the ones at Shammer and Dhree’s castle.

“Bel!” She clutched excitedly at he friend’s arm. “There’s no reason at all the wizard’s house had to be an ACTUAL house, if they found a structure that suited them already in place!”

Bel’s grin, if possible, split even wider. “Exactly!”

“And,” Rowan continued excitedly, “they definitely wouldn’t have stuck around after a rockslide in a cave system anymore than they would have in a house or castle of some kind.”

Bel kept grinning, and punched her arm good-naturedly. “Come on, let’s see if we’re right.” Suiting deed to word, she started hauling herself up towards the fissure. Rowan scrambled to follow her. The thought briefly crossed her mind that they should take more precautions before just marching into an unknown cave, but she reasoned that a quick look wouldn’t do any harm provided they didn’t go in too far.

*

They stopped in the cave mouth to start a fire and cobble together some makeshift torches. That done, Rowan was on the point of putting the fire out when Bel put a hand on her arm to stop her. “Leave it. The weather’s too cold for it to do any harm, and it might be useful to us later.” Rowan nodded, all too aware of the warm grip on her arm, even through several layers of fabric.

She moved further into the cave, breaking the light hold, and heard Bel follow her. She held her torch up ahead of her, trying to get a sense of the space they were in. The entrance had been low and narrow, but widened out into a huge cavern, whose ceiling she couldn’t get a glimpse of, no matter how high she lifted her torch.

“I don’t see any sign of human habitation. Or damage, for that matter,” she called over her shoulder.

“This chamber is enormous. Let’s stick close to the walls, we’ll be less likely to miss other openings that way.” 

Rowan nodded, before realising Bel probably couldn’t see the gesture. “Yes, good idea.”

They walked on in silence, Rowan idly tracing the rough, slightly damp surface of the wall with her free hand. They were still, as far as she could tell, in the first huge cavern. The air still smelled fairly fresh, or at least, no fouler than it had done since they’d entered. After a time, her fingers brushed over empty air rather than wall, and she startled slightly, bringing her torch around to examine the gap. 

“Looks like a tunnel.” She squinted into the gloom as far as the circle of torchlight would allow. “It looks clear.” She paused, frowning to herself in the dark. “We should be careful though, the last thing we want is to get lost in here. She heard Bel’s “ha!” of agreement, and could perfectly picture her friend’s face at that idea. She smiled at the image, then shook herself. This was hardly the time. “We need some chalk or some rope or something, to mark where we’ve been. Here, hold this.” She handed her torch to Bel, and started going through her pack. “Aha!” She pulled out a neatly coiled length of rope.

“If we can find something near the entrance to tie this to, we should be fine.”

“Until the rope runs out.” She could hear the irony in Bel’s voice. 

She looked at the length of rope in her hands. “True, it doesn’t give us much room for exploring.” She started rifling through her pack again. “Aha!” She exclaimed again, this time coming out with a piece of chalk. “I thought I had some.” Taking her torch back from Bel, she quickly retraced their steps as far as the entrance, then started back towards the first tunnel, this time tracing a line along the cave wall as she went. Another “ha!” from behind her assured her this plan met with the Outskirter’s approval.

In what felt like much less time (which Rowan knew perfectly well was just an illusion, known journeys always felt shorter than unknown ones), they were back at the first turning. Without further ado, Rowan led the way, torch in one hand, chalk tracing along the wall in the other. Finding herself with both hands full, combined with the loss of contact with the wall, left Rowan feeling oddly off-balance and vulnerable. Almost as soon as the thought crossed her mind, she felt one of her ankles wobble precariously as she stepped on an uneven patch of ground. She caught her breath at the moment of vertigo. A heartbeat later, a warm hand closed around her elbow, helping her recover her balance. Bel kept a hand at her elbow, even after Rowan recovered her balance and kept walking, bringing her right into Rowan’s personal space. Bel wasn’t close enough for her to touch, but she could feel the other woman’s body just inches behind her own. She took another steadying breath, simultaneously confused and comforted by Bel’s nearness, and carried on further down the tunnel.

They walked on that way in silence, until suddenly, Rowan felt the ground beneath her feet give way. This time, with a startled gasp, and despite Bel’s hand at her elbow, she lost her balance entirely. She pitched forward into darkness, having just enough presence of mind to throw her torch as far away from her as she possibly could before, with a sickening crunch and a flash of stars dancing behind her eyelids, everything went black. 

*

The next thing she was aware of, some indeterminate length of time later, was pain. She dutifully started cataloguing her hurts but fairly swiftly abandoned the attempt when she realised the answer was: everywhere. She blinked, and immediately regretted the impulse, as it sent painful spots dancing in front of her eyes. It hadn’t done anything to improve her vision either, she noticed, it was pitch black whether her eyes were open or shut.

Before she could collect her thoughts enough to wonder where Bel was, she heard a relieved shout, followed by hurried footsteps, and felt familiar hands tracing their way down her body, checking for injuries. The trail of rainbows dancing across her skin in their wake was probably just a symptom of the concussion.

"Rowan!" A palm cupped her cheek. "Are you hurt?" 

She nearly laughed. She would have done except she suspected it would probably make her head hurt more.

“I definitely hit my head.” She winced as she tried to move. “And I think some other parts of me.” She felt herself (or maybe Bel? She wasn’t clear) shift and found herself resting with her head in Bel’s lap, and Bel’s fingers stroking her hair. She relaxed into the touch, feeling some of the pain in her head lessen. “That definitely helps.” She made an abortive attempt to lift her head, immediately regretted it, and dropped it gratefully back into Bel’s lap. “How far did I fall?”

“Not that far. It’s just bad luck you hit your head going down. We should probably get you back to the town as soon as we can.” Rowan groaned at the idea of the journey back to town feeling like this but there wasn’t much else for it. “If your head hurts too much for that I could go back and get help…” Bel trailed off, sounding uncertain, and while Rowan couldn’t see her face, she could clearly picture the concerned look on her friend’s face. 

“You shouldn’t leave people with possible concussion unattended,” she heard herself retorting, somewhat inanely. Yes, that definitely accounted for the stab of anxiety at the idea of Bel leaving her here.

“Ha!” Was it her imagination or did Bel’s response sound relieved? “That settles it. We’ll stay here for a bit, and then see about getting you back to town somehow.” She felt Bel’s thighs shift under her slightly, as she settled herself more comfortably. She noted, with disappointment, that at some point Bel’s hand had stopped running through her hair. Apart from the injuries, and the rather cold, damp ground, lying here like this was nice…

She heard a snort of what sounded like muffled laughter. Wait, had she spoken out loud?

“Yes, you did. And there’s nothing stopping us lying like this more often, you know, you don’t have to give yourself concussion first.”

Her brain was definitely not working properly. What was Bel saying? This time the laughter she could hear definitely wasn’t muffled. Gathering what little dignity she could summon under the circumstances, she said “I don’t think it’s quite fair trying to have a conversation when one of the parties involved is almost certainly concussed.”

“No,” Yes, that was definitely laughter she could hear in Bel’s voice. “But I was beginning to wonder what it _would_ take for you to have a conversation like this with me.”

Rowan hoped fervently Bel couldn’t see or feel the blood that rushed to her face. “I…” She trailed off, not sure what she had intended to say. “There were a lot of factors to consider,” was what she actually heard herself say. She groaned. Bel just laughed, and resumed stroking Rowan’s hair. “We can finish talking about it, and maybe do something more than talk, when you’re feeling better.” She leaned down and carefully dropped a kiss on Rowan’s forehead. 

*

With Rowan leaning on Bel for support, they managed to limp back out of the cave and start the trek back to Unthank, and Rowan found herself thinking quite different thoughts about that bed.


End file.
